


Bad Day

by xXAnaloceitXx



Series: Vent Fics [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:46:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24457660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXAnaloceitXx/pseuds/xXAnaloceitXx
Summary: Janus has a bad day
Relationships: Analoceit
Series: Vent Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765948
Comments: 2
Kudos: 86





	Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic. I was not having a good day and decided to project onto Janus. Please read the tags because this one is pretty dark. PLease take care of yourselves.

Janus laid in his bed, the blanket wrapped around him. He hadn’t gotten up at all today and had ignored the summon from Thomas. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone and didn’t want to do anything except lay in bed. It was a bad day, he wasn’t ok. He didn’t have a reason to not be ok but he wasn’t. He let out a sigh when he heard a knock on his door. He thought that if they didn’t get an answer that they would eventually go away. He let out another sigh when the knocking continued.

“Jan, please” Virgil’s voice came through the door. 

Janus moved the blanket to look at the door. He contemplated getting up and opening it, but that would take so much effort. It took so much effort to just keep breathing. He honestly didn’t want to even do that anymore. He heard a sigh from Virgil and watched as the door knob rattled. Virgil should know him better than that by now, if he didn’t want to talk to anyone he wouldn’t leave his door unlocked. 

He heard the sound of fabric against his door and knew that Virgil had slid down it. He should’ve known that Virgil wouldn’t give up that easily. He moved the blanket back so that he was encased in darkness against. There was so much going on in his mind and he honestly couldn’t handle it. 

He revealed his name and Roman laughed. He had pissed Remus off with his comment to Roman. They all had eventually worked things out, but Janus still felt bad for using Remus like that. His room moved and left Remus alone once Thomas accepted him. He knew that Patton and Roman still weren’t fond of him. Thomas was slowly coming around, but he knew deep down that he would never truly have a seat at the table like the others. 

Janus heard voices outside his door and assumed that Logan had joined Virgil. He ran an ungloved hand over the scars on his arms and sighed. He hadn’t done that in like a month, maybe two. He also hadn’t felt like this in a month or two. He knew he needed to talk to them, let them help. But deep down he felt that they didn’t really care, they were just with him out of pity. He felt tears run down his face and bit down on his fist to stifle a sob. He threw the blanket off of him and sat on the edge of the bed. 

It was true wasn’t it? They didn’t _really_ care about him, they were only with him because they pitied him. Only with him because they knew that he had feelings for them and they didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Only with him because they didn’t want him to do something and mess with the balance within Thomas. He bit down on his fist again to stifle another sob.

He walked over to his dresser, opening the top drawer. He grabbed the razor blade out of it and turned it over in his hands. He shouldn’t, he knew that, but he wanted to feel something. He felt numb and wanted it to stop. He needed to feel something, to know that he was still alive. To know he still existed. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a pain in his arms. He hadn’t even noticed himself doing it, but there were six new cuts on his right arm. He watched as the blood bubbled up and began running down his arm. He pressed the blade to his other arm and made a cut, watching the blood do the same thing on that arm. He made three more cuts before going to the bathroom and cleaning up.

He put the blade on the counter and ran the water in the sink. He put his arms under the stream and hissed at the stinging pain. He was thankful for it though, as it told him that he was alive and that he still existed. He cleaned his arms up and got the bleeding to stop. He then cleaned the blade up and put it back in the drawer before closing it. He glanced back at the bathroom and into his medicine cabinet. 

He thought of how it would be so easy to just take a handful and end it all. Then Thomas, Patton, and Roman wouldn’t have to pretend to like him. To pretend to include him. Logan and Virgil could stop pitying him and be with someone they actually cared about. He went and grabbed a bottle, turning it over in his hands. It would be so easy.

He put it back and went to his door. He needed to let them in, talk to them. He knew he wasn’t ok and that it was bad. He didn’t want to bother them especially if they were only with him out of pity. He paced from his bed to his door. He knew he needed to let them in, but what if they had already given up. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh. He opened the door when he got back to it. Logan and Virgil were sitting on either side of it and they shot up as soon as he opened the door. 

He let them in, closing the door behind them. He looked to the floor, not sure what to say. Breathing was still taking so much energy and effort so he knew talking would take more. He just didn’t have the energy for it. He felt hands guide him to the bed and they all sat down. He looked up and saw nothing but love in their eyes. 

“Janus, may I see your arms?” Logan asked. 

He shook his head and held his arms close to himself. He couldn’t let them see, they had told him to go to them when he felt like doing that. He had done it with them right outside the door. He felt the guilt build inside him and tears welled in his eyes. He closed his eyes and tried to keep from crying. He felt Virgil grab one arm and he didn’t fight it. They already knew based on his answer to Logan’s question. Logan grabbed the other. He felt the tears roll down his face and wanted nothing more than to hide under his blanket again. 

They examined his arms and gave each other sad looks. Janus looked down and tried not to think of what they might say. They might leave him, tell him they never loved him, never cared about him and just leave. He choked on a sob and pulled his arms away from their holds. He grabbed his blanket and wrapped himself up in it again. He sobbed and felt as they wrapped him up in their arms, blanket and all. 

They moved them so they were laying on Janus’ bed. They held him and let him cry, whispering reassurances to him. When his sobs died down to hiccups, he peeked his head out from under the blanket. They smiled at him and slowly unwrapped him from the blanket. They wrapped him up, Logan running his hand up and down his back, Virgil running a hand through his hair. He laid his head on Virgil’s chest. 

“Love, we need to talk about this” Logan said. 

He shook his head. 

“Are words hard?” Virgil asked.

He nodded. 

“Ok, how about we ask yes or no questions and you answer them by nodding or shaking your head like you have been?”

He nodded. 

They looked at each other and then both sighed. Logan was the first to speak. 

“It’s a bad day?”

He nodded. 

“Has it been this bad since we got together?”

He shook his head. 

“Did you do that to your arms while we were with Thomas?” Virgil asked. 

He shook his head. 

“While we were outside your door?”

He hid his face in Virgil’s chest before nodding. 

Their grip on him tightened. 

“Are the thoughts really bad?”

He nodded. 

“Are they about us?” Logan asked. 

He nodded. 

“You know we love you right?” Virgil asked. 

He hesitated. Did he know that? Logically he knew that, yes, but did he actually _know_ that? He shook his head. 

“We love you, more than anything. You are our world and we want nothing more than for you to be happy. We want to help you on days like this or if they get worse we wanna be there for those too”

He nodded showing that he understood. They really did love him, they weren’t with him out of pity. He let a small smile grace his face. He snuggled more into Virgil and Logan snuggled more into him. They laid like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. Janus closed his eyes as Virgil ran his hand through his hair again. He fell asleep surrounded by the two people he loved the most and who loved him just as much.


End file.
